Friday, July 24, 2009


I had my check-in appointment with the psychologist this morning. My mother went with me. I spent a while alone with him, and he did his "read the diary, ask me questions" routine. I didn't say anything. He's decided that unless I "step up to the plate" and talk to him there's no more point in our seeing each other, so Monday will be my termination appointment. I'm pleased. The longer I've spent seeing this psychologist the more I've disliked him. He could have saved us both two months of time by just giving me a referral to someone else like he said I would when I was discharged, but he chose to keep seeing me for some reason.

I wish I didn't have to see anyone at all. I don't want to go to therapy. I think it will be useless and I don't think I really need any help from anyone. It's not that I think I don't "deserve" "help", it's that I don't think I really have a problem to be solved. My parents are insisting that I see another therapist, though. Maybe I'll get recommendations at my termination appointment, because right now I have no idea who exactly I'm supposed to see. I only have 5-6 weeks with this person anyway, because I'd swear on the Principia Mathematica that I'm going back to university this fall. There's a Counselling Services there, but I don't know if I'll actually go and see anyone. I'm pretty sure there's no way for anyone back in Ottawa to find out if I am seeing a therapist unless they have a court order.

I also started my step down of the Celexa today. My dad and I have a car rebuilding project in Manitoba we'd like to work on next week, so I need to reschedule my psychiatry appointment. There's all this concern from my mom that I won't be safe, but I'll be safer there than here. I'll have people around me all the time.

It's been very rainy today, so I haven't done much. Mostly, I've played with my dog, watched movies, and played Assassin's Creed. I have a pretty good desktop, and I like to play videogames even though I suck at them. There's nothing that's come out recently that I'm very interested in, though. I spend most of my time these days on the computer or reading. I never go out and I don't have any friends in my city. The only physical activity I get is running on our treadmill every other day.

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